I am that good girl your mother talks about.
The one who wipes the house shiny, pays her bills on time, and grows tiny house plants.
I am that good girl who people accommodate.
The one who takes no space, says sorry a hundred times, and keeps her mouth shut.
I am that good girl nursing my way through.
The one who gives when there is nothing left to give, burns herself to keep shining.
I am that good girl with the perfect A’s.
The one who fears maths exams, cries for a low grade, always aiming for the best report card.
I am that good girl I want as a friend.
The one who is agreeable, warm, and compassionate.
I am that good girl with things to prove.
The one who wants to be seen, as a good daughter, a good partner, a helpful friend.
I can’t lie, I enjoyed being that good girl.
Soaking the warm light of everyone’s admiration, I knew I had it all.
Until I realised I can’t keep up anymore
Until I realised I am nothing but a mask
Until I realised inside that shell is a clueless creature
Until I realised the creature is everything I don’t want to be.
So now I sing with fright and trembling
Waiting for the day to be found out.
I feel all that fear and longing
Waiting for the day I can be seen and loved.
Because I wasn’t programmed to love myself
I need your eyes and lips to tell me I am everything and more.
When the sun starts shining, I will remember
I am no one’s muse but mine.
Yes, I lost myself a bit, tied to an old weather-waned boat
But now I am ashore and can feel my feet.
I could walk, if only I didn’t fear the sand so much!
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