When I lost my functionality, I felt like I lost everything. 

I am that good girl your mother talks about.

The one who wipes the house shiny, pays her bills on time, and grows tiny house plants.

I am that good girl who people accommodate.

The one who takes no space, says sorry a hundred times, and keeps her mouth shut.

I am that good girl nursing my way through.

The one who gives when there is nothing left to give, burns herself to keep shining.

I am that good girl with the perfect A’s.

The one who fears maths exams, cries for a low grade, always aiming for the best report card. 

I am that good girl I want as a friend. 

The one who is agreeable, warm, and compassionate.

I am that good girl with things to prove.

The one who wants to be seen, as a good daughter, a good partner, a helpful friend.

I can’t lie, I enjoyed being that good girl. 

Soaking the warm light of everyone’s admiration, I knew I had it all. 

Until I realised I can’t keep up anymore

Until I realised I am nothing but a mask

Until I realised inside that shell is a clueless creature

Until I realised the creature is everything I don’t want to be.


So now I sing with fright and trembling

Waiting for the day to be found out.

I feel all that fear and longing

Waiting for the day I can be seen and loved. 

Because I wasn’t programmed to love myself 

I need your eyes and lips to tell me I am everything and more. 

When the sun starts shining, I will remember 

I am no one’s muse but mine.

Yes, I lost myself a bit, tied to an old weather-waned boat

But now I am ashore and can feel my feet. 

I could walk, if only I didn’t fear the sand so much!


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