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Fighting with Self-esteem issues?

Self-esteem is your overall view of yourself – how you feel about your own worth. It includes beliefs about oneself as well as emotional states, like winning, losing, pride and shame.

The difference between animals and a human is that, we are able to add value or relate value to the things we pursue. we have the self-awareness which is the ability to form an identity and attach value to it. this differentiates us from animals. We can define who we are and choose to like it or not.

Self-esteem is very essential for psychological survival. Having low or high self-esteem can change the outset of self-worth and how we value ourselves and others.

Here is how to recognize low self-esteem:

If you are,

  1. Keeping little value on your opinions and ideas.
  2. Focusing on perceived weaknesses and faults.
  3. Giving less focus or credit to your skills and assets.
  4. Believing others are more successful and capable than you.
  5. Fear of failure.
  6. Fear of self-acceptance – positive feedback.
  7. Being critical about self and judging self.
  8. Self-blame.

What healthy or high self-esteem looks like:

If you are,

  1. Having a balanced and accurate view of self.
  2. Grounded in reality.
  3. Having a good opinion of one’s own abilities and being able to recognize flaws as well.
  4. Good and positive relationships;
  5. Less self-critical or judgmental towards self.
  6. More resilient
  7. Will have Realistic expectations.

Where does self-esteem come from? And how can you develop it?
We are shaped by our core beliefs and our self-esteem is influenced by the following aspects of life, they are
evolution, childhood, rejection, social group stability, and significantly our beliefs.

Yes, beliefs about ourselves are formed through reoccurring life events and experiences within the world. They influence our development of personality 9how we feel, react and respond, think & interpret the world).
Beliefs are formed during childhood and continue to influence the self-reflection, personal perception, and understating of others. Our ability to make positive judgments about ourselves is rooted in our childhood.

Eugene Sagan coined the term “pathological critic”, which is the negative inner voice that attacks and judges you. Though everyone would possess a critical voice people with low self-esteem would fall prey to a negative inner voice which is a vicious and vocal pathological critic.

            How this critic’s voice operates and sees you as a person:

  1. It judges you critically,
  2. It calls you names like – stupid, you are unfit, ugly, selfish, and weak and makes you believe that all of them are true.
  3. The critic’s voice often has a script to tell you how wrong you are and how useless you are.
  4. It never reminds you of your strengths but rather focuses on wrongs and mistakes that are done.
  5. This critic has distortions and reads your friend’s mind and labels you as bored, disappointed, or disgusted by you.
  6. A critic’s voice exaggerates your faulty actions and weaknesses.
  7. It undermines your self-worth every day in your life.

If you faced the above critic voice in your life, it means you are struggling to overcome the low self-esteem issues.

There are 5 helpful cognitive & behavioral changes one can practice to overcome the low self-esteem issues with a therapist or self-help:

  1. Thought stopping
  2. Identification of strengths
  3. Self-acceptance
  4. Addressing the negative outcomes of
    • Inflexible rules and should statements
    • Perfectionism
    • Extreme vulnerability and criticism
    • Non-assertiveness
  5. Reinforcing the healthy voice

Tips For Developing Self-Esteem

Out of extensive knowledge and information on self-esteem issues, Here are some pointers for developing it.

  • It’s best to surround yourself with more positive relationships and people with whom you feel trustworthy.
  • Enjoy their company by spending enough time and energy.
  • Practice mindfulness which improves neuroplasticity.
  • List your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Write a new self-description – redefine yourself.
  • Celebrate mini successes
  • Develop self-compassion
  • Combat the distortions
  • Understating the negative and positive values in oneself.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a scientific and effective way to deal with self-esteem issues. In my advice, it is always beneficial to take professional help so in case you think you need professional assistance get in touch with me. here is the link to book an appointment with me.

Vamsy Krishna D
Psychologist

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