Standards & Judgements – What are they and what do they do?

K L Niharika

In the session, Sriram (imaginary character) said, “I don’t judge people. I just have standards for myself. I don’t like to be a mediocre. I don’t like failure !. But that doesn’t mean, I judge others who fail. I don’t say anything when a friend of mine fails.”

Therapists hear these lines from many clients who are suffering from anxiety, depression, low self esteem and victims of abuse, especially narcissistic abuse. Such people create standards for themselves. Mostly such standards come from their parent’s narratives.

Such people who live with standards only understand that they do have standards, but they fail in understanding what those standards are (how they originated, how their parents imposed on them, etc) and what such standards do to their day today life.

What standards do to their life? 1. Standards become rules and should statements. A person who has standards will become rigid and fixed…

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